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  1. in transit

    Standing impatient, platform teeming, almost noon
    Robo voices read off final destinations
    But one commuter's already at his
    He reached for life's third rail
    
    There is no why in the abyss
    There's only closing credit hiss
    The soundtrack's gone, he didn't miss
    Reaching for life's third rail
    
    We ride on, now, relieved and moving forward
    Each our own lives roll forth, for now
    But now is gone, for one among us
    Who reached for life's third rail
    
    We rock, to-fro, and reach each station
    Weight shifting onto forward foot
    Flesh, bone ground up in violent elation
    And bloody rags, hours ago a well worn suit
    
    I ride the escalator up and pensive
    About what did and not occur today
    Commuter glut, flow restricted
    A crooked kink in public transport hose resolved.
    
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  2. pedestrian musings

    I walk in monologue 
        through Berkeley's Hills
    Feet pressing into sidewalk firmly
    I eat the pensive mood 
        solitude brings
    And bite into the juiciness of
        self-reflection
    I write, first time in years,
        free verse impromptu
    Taking few dozen steps
        between each pair of lines
    I yearn, on tip-toes
        stretching high, to be expressive
    A mode of being longtime
        self-denied
    I'm walking home - from job
        I'll soon be leaving
    To find myself believing once 
        again
    That which I do defines 
        me not and feeling
    That which I am is
        good. enough. a lot.
    
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  3. remembering John Hunter (1968-2012)

    John Hunter, the author of matplotlib, passed away on August 28th, 2012. He will be dearly missed.

    Please donate to the John Hunter Memorial Fund. A giant in our community, John lead by example and gave us all so much. This is one small way we can give back to his family.

    what follows are excerpts from my paper journal over the past week:

    John Hunter passed away this morning,
    Oh my god. John Hunter was incredibly
    kind and warm -- I can't believe he bought
    me this laptop. I can't believe that such
    a wonderful man could be dead -- so suddenly.
    
        What a tremendous loss.
    

    Dear Merlin,
        John Hunter died yesterday --
    getting unstuck. It is entirely appropriate
    to be stuck -- to feel it, smell it, taste it
    feel it drilling though your head
    

    I keep pacing around the house.
    I just need to leave.
        calmly.
    My thoughts are with John's
    family. & with the folks in Louisiana.
    
        A rat in a maze --
    panicked -- & the water
    level rises still. escalates.
    

        Our loss of John makes me
    want to code furiously.
    

    I feel the urge to code furiously,
    but only have the capacity to tweet about
    it, and lack thereof to censor myself.
    

    I don't believe I'm losing
    my mind. I believe I never had
    one to begin with.
      I'm not losing my mind. I never
      had one to begin with.
      I'm not losing my mind.
      That would imply I had one
      to begin with.
    Left the house without shoes --
    waiting for my laptop to charge.
    
      I want to share this with the
      group -- so I can come to
    terms with it myself. forgive myself.
    
      Connection with a stranger -- can be a form of escape.
    but it can help you gain perspective on
    your own life. I think it has for
    me.
      I am a severely broken
    person. Ok. Time to get shoes,
    shower, & then go to try &
    talk w/ Greg Wilson.
    

    I must be mistaken. Maybe I was.
    Who's to say that I wasn't.
    

    The scientific python community lost one
    of it's giants this week, and
    I lost an important mentor.
    
    Remembering John Hunter (JDH)
    
        People keep dying. I don't know
    how to deal with that -- I feel like
    I never really processed dedushka's death --
    nor Ken Green's, nor Jessi Debaca's,
    nor babushka's
    
    ... I lost another mentor. Most of
    these people (all?) don't know that they
    were mentors to me -- but they were.
    I looked up to John -- I secretly
    wanted to please him -- but did not
    even dare to do so directly (I
    have Fernando Perez to thank for getting
    my first contribution into Matplotlib.
    
    I remember feeling really bad after my first
    sprints at SciPy 2009 -- John actually
    knew who I was -- and wanted me
    to work on some matplotlib stuff --
      I ended up doing some rote work with
    David Warde Farley (and felt kind
    of like a third wheel - since dwf
    (pronounced "dwoof" - did I get
    that right, David?) is more than
    capable as a command-line
    cowboy (David doesn't know this --
    but I learned a great deal from
    just sitting next to him and watching
    him string together standard unix
    tools, pipe-after-pipe -- to clean
    up some scipy wiki content, to
    try and export it to a new site.
    David's also a role model in other ways --
    he's very calm and collected (unless
    he senses you've pushed the bozo button from
    some punditry vending machine - instead of
    understanding and engaging with the full complexity of some
    social or political issue)
    
        John was extremely kind and understanding -- 
    he wanted to invite & welcome me to
    code alongside other matplotlib developers,
    but there was no expectation.
    
      I got to hang out with John the 
    most at the PyData conference in
    Mountain View in late February. He was
    giving a matplotlib talk, and was seeking
    feedback on what to talk about --
    & how to do it. He's warm -- and always
    had this kind smile about him.
    
        After hanging out with John at PyData --
    this email arrived in my inbox
    

    Hey Paul, It was great seeing you again at pydata, and thanks for your help during the talk. We’ve decided that you could be a lot more productive in all your efforts to help ipython, mpl and others if you had a shiny new laptop, so I want to buy you one out of the mpl donations fund. If you spec out the machine you want and send me a link and details, and your preferred shipping address, I’ll order it for you and have it shipped to you. Pick a machine good enough that you can rely on it for a few years, because it looks like you get good use from these things! In other words, don’t feel compelled to be frugal on our behalf.  JDH

    Fernnado knew about the email -- & I was at
    a barbecue at his house -- to sort of
    celebrate an awesome week of lots of
    Python Giants in from out of town.
      Fernando was giddy -- "Have
    you checked your email?" -- with a
    twinkle in his eye "Let's go have you
    check your email right now" -- & he
    walked over to turn on his desktop machine.
    

        On the mailing lists -- I always tried to
    emulate John's approach -- helping everyone
    even if in the slightest manner.
    
    I was offered commit rights sort
    of out of the blue -- after sending
    a couple of pull requests.
    
        We are a community.
    We need to remember John, & keep
    remembering John -- for many, many,
    many years to come.
    
    I feel the urge to reach
    out to everyone I know & don't know.
    I'm desperate -- i think I've been that
    way since I was a little kid -- I
    remember having the same feelings when
    we were leaving Moscow -- a ten-year old,
    talking to friends and my teachers,
    many for the very last time.
    

    I am posting this, but it isn't finished.
    
    This is broken, half-finished, confused,
    necessarily so -- because there is no way
    to mend what we have lost. This
    is an expression of my current state --
    and if I don't let this out, it will just
    keep ricocheting around in my head for years
    to come.
    
        This is a first pass. This is me
    grieving. This will never be enough. This
    is just a start.
    

    videos of John Hunter's talks:

    matplotlib: Lessons from middle age. (Scipy 2012)

    Advanced Matplotlib Tutorial (PyData)

    SciPy 2009 - Advanced tutorial 3: Advanced topics in matplotlib

    (beginning) SampleDoc

    Scipy '09 Panel on Visualization tools

    Scipy '02 Core Projects update

    NIPS Workshop on Machine Learning Open Source Software (MLOSS)

    Fernando Perez and John Hunter

    Sept 2009: "some fun stories like 'Jeez, you guys have some crazy examples. I am surprised there isn't dolphins swimming around inside a sphere.' So now there is."

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  4. uncomfortably sincere

    2007 08 07 life

    journal excerpt

    From my paper journal:

    Only a Sith Lord deals in
absolutes

    23:37 May 10th, 2007 Thursday

    So what good is all of this if we don't engage one another - on a very real level? "Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes," man - so let's get off the condescending trips and the polarizing anti-discourse. Let's use our full range - zero, one, two, five, seven, eight, ten, etc and not just on or off - there's an infinitude of wonder in between and out in every dimension.

    I resolve to hesitantly dip my toes in, from time to time, instead of being all in or all out. Talk to a beat stranger - but not every beat stranger. Give up some left over food to the guys on Bancroft and Telegraph (the Shattuck hobos are too hip for me - but I hope they aren't for someone else -- I know they aren't). I can just eavesdrop on the world from time to time - I can't always be wide-eyed gulping from the fire hydrant of information flowing at 100 terabits per second eyes glazed over passed out exhausted gasping for a sense of self disoriented head-spun hours or days later. Just a drinking fountain or a tap and a few cups or liters a day would be fine. No need to parch yourself and dry up like a raisin all the time. It's ok to wrinkle and shrivel - and you don't need to burst, either - just be uncomfortably sincere.

    I think I'm going to try that.

    Related brief thought:

    17:36 June 22nd, 2007 Friday

    Bumper Sticker Activists (Telegraph in Berkeley)

    The last thing we need is more Bumper Sticker Activism. Wearing a clever T-shirt does not constitute civic participation.

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